Bonnie Jean Milroy: Showing the World the Best of Who You Are!
Bonnie Jean Milroy: The Proof
Contributed By: Elizabeth Martins, Fairwinds Clubhouse Member
“I celebrate two birthdays in my life. The actual day I was born and the day I got my surgery because I started a new life.” –Bonnie Jean Milroy
Quirky, funny and fabulous! Those are the three words that best describe Bonnie Milroy (pictured above left with me at my birthday party). Bonnie is 38 and lives in Falmouth, Massachusetts, along with her four cats--Boots, Bubba, Mittens, and Sabrina. When it comes to Bonnie, age doesn’t matter. As she sees it, she could be 99 and still have the spunk of a 21-year-old. Bonnie is the type of person who could dye her hair four to five times a year and possibly twice a week, and finds remarkable bargains at any store. On a scale of one to ten, Bonnie picks the big ten to describe her great fondness of Hello Kitty memorabilia, and she’s not afraid to show it. On the annual Fairwinds Clubhouse trip to New York City, Bonnie’s wardrobe consisted of Hello Kitty t-shirts, skirts, Hello Kitty ballet slippers and a tutu, purse, perfume, PJ’s, and a matching robe, and my personal favorite, a Hello Kitty “cat ears” headband.
Despite her mental health setbacks, Bonnie is a smart, functional, beautiful woman. Bonnie was diagnosed with Bipolar I Disorder when she was 23 and struggled all her life with moderate learning disabilities. Bonnie describes her illness as having heavier tendencies towards depression over mania. She uses personal coping mechanisms, such as deep breathing and positive thinking, during some of her more difficult bouts with depression. When feelings of mania arise, Bonnie “dismisses herself” and gets some fresh air, regardless of the weather.
Bonnie has always had challenges. Her mental illness forced her to raise a lot of questions as to how she could live a normal, independent life. Her mother and doctor suggested she live in an “independent living center” to see if she could achieve basic goals such as cooking, cleaning, paying bills, budgeting money, and responsible shopping. Following this advice, Bonnie moved out of her parents’ house at age 24 and moved into an independent living center, and then transferred to the Baybridge Clubhouse Program’s Apartments in Hyannis, MA. Bonnie’s concern for the homeless prompted her to help create a roommate program at the Clubhouse, where compatible individuals share expenses. When Bonnie turned 26 her father passed away and she moved back in with her mother to help her cope with his death. Two years later, Bonnie decided to relocate to Eve House in Hyannis, MA. Baybridge Clubhouse developed Eve House for Bonnie and three other women. The house had three bedrooms and the roommates shared the cost for rent. In order to be a resident of Eve House, Bonnie had to have a job or be in school. Bonnie secured a volunteer job at Hyannis West Elementary School as a teacher’s assistant for children with special needs.
Due to the lack of knowledge about mental illness in her early years, Bonnie was categorized as a special education student. Her label as a special education student, along with being very overweight, resulted in frequent bullying for Bonnie.
“People used me for a good laugh then talked behind my back,” she recalls. As her misdiagnosed illness grew, Bonnie developed a severe emotional eating disorder. “Food was my safety net,” she admits. On a bad day, a pint of ice cream saved her and her depression was often cured by drinking a two liter bottle of coke. As a 30-year-old, she grew her petite 5’2" frame to 415 lbs. Her doctor informed her that if she did not lose weight she would likely die of a heart attack by age 35. She was also at high risk for diabetes, and her cholesterol was “sky high.” Bonnie explains, “It was a wake-up call, a smack in the face; I didn’t want to die.”
With that advice, Bonnie and her doctor made the decision to have gastric bypass surgery. Even though it was potentially dangerous, Bonnie underwent the procedure in order to reach her goal of making a “life change.” The surgery was successful; however, it took Bonnie months to recover. Following the surgery, Bonnie moved back in with her mother. “I couldn’t be alone.” Her diet now includes a little bit of everything but in moderation, physical activity such as walking, and lots of coffee beverages. Bonnie lost 301 lbs in seven years and she is currently maintaining a fantastic figure. “I feel awesome…I have more self-confidence!”
With a renewed Section 8 housing eligibility, Bonnie moved into a duplex development called Sea Street Village. Unfortunately, the move was short-lived. Bonnie had her heart broken when her three and a half year relationship with her boyfriend (whom she thought was “Mr. Right”) ended. At 35, Bonnie moved back in with her mom to collect herself once again.
A year later, Bonnie regrouped herself and found a new home in a very nice apartment in a pleasant location. She volunteers at People for Cats, attends Fairwinds Clubhouse, and is very involved with the community. She is one of those rare individuals living with a mental illness who is not on controlled medication. Bonnie sees a doctor as needed and a therapist regularly. With instruction from her therapist, Bonnie has experimented with breathing techniques and meditation. She also likes to go to her “happy place,” as Bonnie describes. Her favorite part of her life is she has a lot of “me time.”
Bonnie has always worked very hard to live a fulfilling and meaningful life. She is an inspiration to those who have been picked on, laughed at, pushed, and bullied around, or made fun of. She is proof positive that anyone can grow as a person despite dealing with dark moments along the way. You can show the world the best of who you are.
Editors Note: Elizabeth Martins is a member of Fairwinds Clubhouse and currently resides in Sandwich, Massachusetts, on Cape Cod. She is 23 and works at a local grocery store in Falmouth. Elizabeth is planning on going to college this fall to study writing. Bonnie and Elizabeth met in 2009 and have remained good friends ever since. Both were inspired by this story.
Fairwinds Clubhouse provides a daily activity environment that utilizes peer support to help members living with mental illness develop and maintain a personal support system. Fairwinds Clubhouse is a program of Fellowship Health Resources, Inc.